Fuck You.
Posted by Sarahbear on March 7, 2010
I have spent the last few days working on my new website layout. Because of this I had no intention of posting anything today. Staring at HTML and CSS for hours at a time on a computer screen can turn your brain to mush. Surprisingly I came across something that inspired me to complete a post I’ve been working on for a couple of weeks now. It’s completely different, but the message will be the same.
Chad and I were talking on a trip home recently. He brought up a conversation he had with someone about Britni’s home wrecker post and my response to it. The people he was talking to are actually in a relationship that spawned from an affair. The woman in the relationship, being the ‘mistress’, was agreeing completely with everything Britni was saying. Chad said something along the lines of ‘If you’re in a relationship with him, even if he’s separated or fighting with his wife, you’re contributing to the demise of his marriage. You’re hurting his wife.”
Her response was “So. I don’t know her.”
It kind of shocked me that someone would have so little compassion for another human being. I don’t know why, but it did. It shouldn’t shock me. The Whore is the same way. It didn’t bother her that it crushed me to find out about the affair. She didn’t care that she was damaging my marriage and interrupting the stability that my husband and I had spent eight years building for our children. All she cared about was maintaining her relationship with my husband. The impact that would have on anyone else was not her concern.
I’ve spent the last six months repairing my marriage and talking to my husband about everything. I’ve also had to take a hard look into myself, reassuring myself of my worth, beauty, and intelligence. I guess you could say I’m in recovery mode. Part of that has been checking up on The Whore. When people experience things like this it’s not uncommon at all for them to do this. For me, it’s kind of like I’m keeping tabs on things, though when I first found out about the affair it was more to try and figure out what it was that he found in her. She’s not as attractive as I am (and I’m not just being vain here), she’s arrogant, bitchy, she hates kids, she’s not ‘girly’, and she’s selfish. If you had a list of qualities of the two of us beside each other we would likely be complete opposites. I needed to know what he saw in her. Eventually I realized that it was purely the convenience of having someone always available. I guess whatever the reasons were, they’re kind of irrelevant to this post. This post is about selfishness and compassion.
I still check her blog. Regularly. No big deal, right? Wrong. She’s had the privilege of being home alone for a few days because she was sick. Pure boredom set in, the kind that sometimes goes along with being a stay-at-home mother (like me), and she was checking out her blog stats. Of course, she noticed that she was being pinged from Georgia. It bothered her so much that she posted an entire blog about it. First it was just to talk about her stats, but she later added that she had a ‘stalker’ who checked her blog several times a day or every other day. She of course knows fully that this ‘stalker’ is me, and she proceeded to talk about how sad and pathetic it is that I was spending ‘all of my time stalking her’. I should be living my own life, spending time with my husband and not worrying about someone who I’ve never met. Because it’s no big deal that she had an affair with my husband, right?
Let’s talk about stalkers, shall we? After my husband informed her that their relationship was over. No friendship, no romantic relationship, no nothing. He informed her that I had blocked her phone number, her profiles and every way I knew they had kept in contact. She waited until he went to work that night and googled/called 411 to get his work number so that she could talk to him again. During that conversation he told her again that it was over, and she cried and begged him not to end their friendship, but he knew it was what needed to be done. Should be pretty clear to her that he’s going to work on his marriage and it’s over at this point, but she still can’t accept it and she e-mails him at a secret account they had created to talk to each other.
But I am the stalker. Because I read her blog.
Let me first say a huge “Fuck You.” to The Whore, who I know also reads my blog via my very own stats. You think you can judge me? After you tried to fuck my husband?*
You see, being cheated on is a traumatic event for some people. It has the same effects that being raped, molested, assaulted or any other painful event does. It lingers. Because of the selfish decisions you (and my husband) made, I now suffer from flashbacks. I’ve seen all the pictures and videos. I’ve read the blogs and e-mails. They’re less frequent, but they’re still there. When I hear certain songs on the radio it will bring me back to the day I found those text messages. When I see a Hitachi Magic Wand I see the video images of you in my mind. When I’m in the middle of incredible sex or he masturbates, the sound of the lube squishing around will bring back images of the videos he sent you. So many things were tainted because of you and you think it’s okay to judge me on how I’m coping with it? To accuse me of stalking and call me pathetic because I read your blog. You probably wouldn’t have stats at all if I wasn’t checking up on you because nothing you write is remotely interesting to anyone who doesn’t want to laugh at your naked pictures.
Fuck you.
I’m so sick of hearing someone tell another person they should just get over their traumatic experiences. Sick. Of. It. If you haven’t lived it then you don’t fucking know what it’s like. If you lack the compassion and empathy to try and understand how another human being feels in any given situation, then shut your god damn mouth.
Here’s a Song for Sunday dedicated to The Whore herself:
*I’m fully aware of my husbands role in the affair so don’t try to school me on where his blame lies. This post is about her. Thanks.
Steffers said,
You are absolutely amazing and kudos to you for speaking your mind!! I’m so glad you and Chad have been able to work through this. =)
Britni TheVadgeWig said,
Like I told you, I’ve been “the other woman,” as well as been the woman that was cheated on. Therefore, I understand what it’s like to be on both sides of the fence. That being said, when I was the other woman, I ALWAYS had compassion for the wife. I never spoke badly of her. I always worried about her finding out, and completely empathized with how she would feel if she knew. Anyone that doesn’t understand why you would be hurt is a cruel, heartless person.
However, I’ve also been in your position. And I obsessed about the other woman. I checked her Facebook religiously. I even befriended her in an effort to know what it was about her that he liked, to keep my friends close and my enemies closer. And I discovered that all that obsessing over her? Wasn’t helping me move on or repair my relationship. It was unhealthy. What do you gain from continuing to check her blog? All it does is upset you, or remind you about her. You say that you’re trying to repair your relationship with your husband, and to move beyond the affair. Why not move behind her, then? Put her in your past, where you’re trying to put his affair. It will be so much better for you, I promise.
<3
Sarahbear said,
@Steffers Thanks. You’ve been so supportive about everything.
@Britni I know. Logically, I know better. In my head I know that it keeps reopening old wounds. I know that it will be better when I stop feeling the need to check up on her, but getting to that point is taking a while. Eventually I know I will stop checking up on her. It will be hard though, like breaking a bad habit. Thanks. =)
CockGawker said,
Can I say that I’ve been there — and I know the insanity and the endless comparisons between myself and her. It is traumatic in so many ways and I think that trauma gets down played as “well that’s just part of life – people do that.”
Thanks for your post and your honesty.
Steffers said,
I will continue to be as supportive as I know how. Good luck getting rid of that nasty habit. =)
**huggs**
Triggers | Sexy by Sarah said,
[...] couple of weeks ago I wrote the “Fuck You‘ post. It felt good to get all of that out and I had been free of the bad memories, for the [...]
Sir said,
What about the “other man”? Yes, I am a “sicko who stalks him,” who tries to figure out what it is that made my past little girl go after him other than me, what am I lacking that he has, what is it that I do not have, but when I find nothing, I find that it isn’t about physical attributes, intelligence, how I know how to make her orgasm five times in one session. It’s just about the fact that she never really wanted me, and she cheated to push me away, to get me away becauses he was unsure of being with me.
It is rare that the “other person” cares at all, because they only think about what’s between their own legs. My mum is another woman, and this is what she says about the man she’s currently dating:
“Yeah, his wife is in the hospital. I feel bad for her. Oh well!” Yeah, you feel really bad for her, don’t you, when you’re screwing her fucking husband while she’s in the hospital dying? Yeah, real fucking nice.
Hate it all, I hate it, dammit. And yeah, let’s talk about stalkers, when the man who my ex cheated on me with stalks me and reads what I’m about, then tells her that I’m a pedophile and that I’m going to murder her in her sleep. Like he really knows me, fucking jerk. And then he has the nerve to say to her, “He’s not your daddy. He’s not your master.” Yeah, let’s talk about stalkers is right.
It’s always fault on the one who was cheated on. Always. Always fault on them, that “they were mean, they were not affectionate, they were this, they were that.” Hate to break it to the people with nothing between their ears, but it’s NOT anyone’s fault who was cheated on.
I went on a rant, didn’t I? Well, that’s how I feel about your post. Hopefully, someday soon, you’ll stop reading that person’s things – it’s only going to hurt you and allow those horrid feelings to resurface.
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