Shades of Grey
Posted by Sarahbear on June 28, 2010
You're wrong, I'm right!
I often find myself refraining from discussions online, even when I’ve already formed a fairly strong opinion on the topic. It’s probably hard to believe I’ve been biting my tongue or quietly watching while the shark frenzy rips each other apart, but I have. Why would I, though, when I traditionally speak what’s on my mind?
I pick my battles.
I just can’t see the value of chiming in on a topic when it’s clear that everyone there shares the same opinion. Not because they all repeat each other, though that’s part of it, but when someone expresses even a slightly dissenting opinion they get ripped a new asshole. It’s not allowed in a lot of places. The author of the discussion is 100% right and the comments section is there purely there to stroke their ego, rather than for actual useful exchange. Well, unless those people disagree with a topic someone else posts about on their personal blog. Then anything goes and they spread the word that there is new chum in the water.
There can’t be any useful dialogue when we all refuse to budge. When we refuse to believe that anyone who thinks any differently than we do could be right, at all. There’s almost nothing in this world that is so cut and dry, so black and white, so right or wrong. There are always shades of grey and a million other colors under the sun that are okay too. As someone I’ve recently been spending more time reading about says, “There are three sides to every story. Yours, mine and the truth.” (or something like that. Hey, I haven’t been reading her blog but for a few months now so forgive me if I’m misquoting.)
This kind of goes along with the post I wrote a few days ago. You have to decide if you’re interested in being right or if you want to be able to talk to people and share opinions, coming to a compromise if you disagree. Acknowledge that the other people have valid points to be heard, and they usually do. Listen (or read) to what they’re saying (what they’re actually saying, rather than trying to project what you think they’re trying to say onto them). Stop formulating your response in your head before you’ve finished hearing what they have to say. Ya know, have an actual conversation with them. Being part of one requires that you listen to the other people involved, rather than beat them over the head until they’ve all submitted to your way of thinking. If you do, you’ll eventually find yourself in a very lonely place. People don’t always share the exact same opinions about everything and their opinions are constantly being shaped and changed by their life experiences.
Come down off that ‘I’m right!’ pedestal on your own, because it’s gonna hurt like a bitch when someone more hard-headed than you knocks you off of it.
Editor’s Note: Consider this an admission of my own wrong. I didn’t believe some people who were right about several things and now I feel pretty silly for defending such things. I guess sometimes you don’t know until you see it for yourself.
Juliettia said,
People don’t always share the exact same opinions about everything and their opinions are constantly being shaped and changed by their life experiences.
You should bold this for awesomesauce.
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Britni TheVadgeWig said,
I can’t help but think your editor’s note applies to me (and possibly some other people). But, maybe that’s just being vain. Or maybe it’s not, because passive aggressive jabs are your style, which your Twitter account clearly shows.
And with that, I’m out. I’m not going to be checking back for responses, good, bad, or otherwise, because frankly, I ceased to give a shit a while ago.
Sarahbear said,
It did refer to you, and some other people, but the point of this post wasn’t about calling anyone out. As usual though, everything has to be all about you.
If you ceased to give a shit a while ago, why did you bother commenting? I’ve already spoken with you privately about my opinion of you and didn’t deem it necessary to bring anything in particular up in my blog. I’m pretty certain that you’re incapable of not checking back to see what someone said to you because you thrive on the drama. All I have left to say to you, when you do check back, is good fucking riddance.
Ashly Star said,
I love the picture you used to go along with this. It made me giggle and now every time I see fighting in the Twitter stream, I’m going to think of that image and chuckle. Probably.
There’s a difference between having an intelligent debate or conversation and two people or a group of people just throwing their opinions at each other and arguing over why one or the other is right/wrong.
I don’t even pay attention to most of the arguments that go on. Only a few topics interest me but the fact that it tends to turn into something petty keeps me from getting in to anything. I prefer to have calm, intelligent discussions. That’s hard to do when you mix in emotions because not everyone can separate their thoughts on something from the strong emotions they have tied to it long enough to have a reasonable debate. Emotions, passion, etc aren’t things you can be void of, though. It’s good to be passionate about what you feel is right. It’s also good to be rational and be able to listen to other points of views. I’m not saying it’ll change your mind, I’m not saying you’ll change their mind. Listening doesn’t hurt.
And I’m not taking a stab at anyone. There are certain issues (such as driving while intoxicated) that I feel so strongly about due to having my life altered because of a drunk driver that I have a hard time discussing without letting my emotions play into it.
It’s when a would be good discussion turns into nothing more than mud slinging, “I’m right you’re wrong & this is why” statements and flat out personal insults that it becomes useless to keep participating.
alana said,
“I just can’t see the value of chiming in on a topic when it’s clear that everyone there shares the same opinion.” This is how I’ve started to feel lately too. It’s like I need to step back and wonder if I accidentally became part of a crowd that bullies other people. But I don’t want that. You only have to be on the recieving end of that treatment once before you stop and consider it. I may have strong opinions and be assertive, but ultimately I believe everyone is just doing the best they can. All of our opinions are valid. (I think a lot of this stems from the fact the internet is the only place a lot of us can find a group of like minded individuals all in one place.)
I’ve started worrying that I do the same thing on my own blog too. I don’t have much of a readership, but I don’t want to think I’m silencing people. Since I started my blog as a place for me to vent about politics my tone is often snarky, but I’m going to work on being more inclusive. (Politics are pretty polarizing so hopefully I won’t have to deal with too many differing opinions lol.) Yes there are a few things I will probably never budge on, but I don’t need to be a bitch about it.
Sorry. Your post is exactly what I’ve been thinking about lately and it made me ramble.
Rayne said,
You got it right.
It’s part of a line in a song (Cupid’s Dead, by Extreme) that I think is 100% true.
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adriana said,
You know.. sometimes I get into those heated arguments and.. I say silly things and I feel pretty silly afterward. ANd maybe it seems.. not genuine but I’m the type of person who likes to apologize anyway. I may do silly things again but I’m a work in progress, just like we all are. So I totally respect this.
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