The Real Reason I Hate Porn
Posted by Sarahbear on August 11, 2010
I’ve said several times before that I’m just not that into porn, and it’s the truth. There’s a very rare occasion where I am interested in it, and it’s even more rare that it turns me on. I find the actors and actresses to typically be pretty fake and unbelievable. I guess it just really doesn’t do it for me to watch two other people having sex. There’s something else, though, and it’s that I am jealous.
Porn makes me feel insecure. Not the actual sex, because anyone can do most of that, but the women. I do not like when my husband watches porn and hentai, though I prefer hentai. You know how a lot of guys are intimidated by sex toys? They don’t understand why we would need a thick, ribbed dildo or a vibrator because it’s nothing like a real penis. It’s nothing like their penis. They don’t get why we can’t get off on what they have to offer us on it’s own.
That? is how I feel about porn.
Here I sit, with my weight and my flaws and I see that he spent 5 hours watching porn Sunday while I was out shopping for workout and school clothes. He didn’t even bother to put up the Pjur silicone lube from his computer desk. That’s what usually tips me off that he’s been watching it. He doesn’t usually clean up after himself.
I don’t like that he watches porn alone. I’ve asked that if anything, we watch stuff like that together, even if it doesn’t really get me in the mood. It’s a huge blow to my self esteem and my trust when I see that sort of thing. I don’t understand why he has to look at pictures and videos of other naked women to masturbate. I don’t look like those women, even remotely, so why would he be attracted to that?
It’s the same question guys ask themselves when they’re feeling insecure about our sex toys. I’m not like that so why does she need that? Of course, there are differences, but it hurts just the same. Maybe it’s irrational and unsexy, but it’s how I feel.
Cin said,
OMG! For real, I thought I was the only one. I understand, but don’t be surprised if I’m the only one who does. Email me or IM me if you wanna talk, I’ve been going through an extremely rough time with it recently.
Sea of Neptune said,
I have a battle with porn, I’m slightly voyeuristic so I like seeing people in the act of sex from time to time but I am not that into porn either. I prefer hentai too, but to me so much of it and porn is all the same. Once you have seen one you have seen them all. A lot of it does seem fake, the people look fake. I like seeing the chemistry and seeing them actually seem like they are experiencing pleasure and a lot of it is not like that. I’m just extremely picky so it’s hard to find something that will turn me on. Part of it for me though is that I had a relative that had a porn addiction, so I saw so much of it to where I didn’t want to see any of it again.
You actually made a point about the whole guys with sex toys thing. So I can see how porn would make you feel the same way. I can understand how it could make you feel insecure, because I have been there. Only I kind of blew up one day about it and since then we have worked it out. My thoughts were “I don’t look like that, is that what he really wants? I can’t be that ever.”
I prefer that my partner watches it together with me as well. It’s better to not be so secretive over things like that.
My partner is voyeuristic, he doesn’t really look at naked ladies he likes to see people in the act of sex not to masturbate over naked ladies. He likes to see it and think of him and I in those situations. So I understand that and I don’t let it affect my self-esteem too much anymore. But, I can see how it would and it does a little from time to time still.
alana said,
I don’t care if my partner watches porn without me (which he mostly does) but I can’t really pinpoint the reason why. It’s jsut something I’m totally okay with. Even though I can feel insecure like all people, I guess ultimately I’m confident in our relationship (though I’m not saying that anyone who feels otherwise isn’t confident or anything like that). I don’t equate porn with our sex life if that makes any sense. I look at porn as a tool that helps facilitate a certain outcome. And just like a sex toy, that tool doesn’t actually compete with me in our relationship. (It isn’t about me at all.) I also don’t see any practicality in letting it bother me since I wouldn’t want to try and control Ryan.
Of course feelings are never very practical and I hope everything works out. It seems like a good sign that your partner is upfront about watching porn instead of being secretive though (I know I would feel differently about Ryan’s love of porn if he had hid it from me sicne it would give me a reason to question his motives).
adriana said,
I totally agree with Sea of Neptune’s thoughts: “I don’t look like that, is that what he really wants? I can’t be that ever.”
I think it makes it even worse that my tastes in people (physical attraction-wise) are very narrow. So it’s just hard for me to understand that someone would maybe be attracted to me but also.. say.. Angelina Jolie.
Amber said,
You couldn’t have said it better. What disgusts me is that my husband does everything he can to justify himself for watching porn. How would he feel if I was looking at pictures of really attractive men, nude or not? He’d blow a gasket if I made that a habit, and would feel insecure himself!
I just wish these men would see things from our point of views, and get over these gorilla-like testosterone surges. If we’re not that attractive to them to where they feel the need to watch porn behind our backs, maybe they should bring home a skank like the ones they masturbate to and make themselves happy! In the end, they’ve lost anyway…
Joe said,
Porn is fake and is actually harmful to women and men and children.
It is a horrible forgery of a sacred act. Sex in marriage is actually holy! People don’t realize that!.
My Mom and Step dad own porno shops and I was terribly damaged by it even though they forbade us to every watch it as kids. As adults, they said they didn’t care. It is really sick, again not because sex or nakedness is sick, no it is not but the way it is portrayed def. is.
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