Disrespectful

Posted by Sarahbear on November 16, 2010

Excuse me? Have you lost your mind?

Tonight, Chad came home from work and grabbed his plate. He plopped down in his computer chair to eat and play around online. I was reading some stuff on my laptop when he said ‘You need to come here and read this.’ I looked at him funny because I didn’t get what he was so anxious about. I sat down in his chair and read what was on his screen.

just wanted to let you know that in your pic you have sexy eyes. have a good day.

This was in his Facebook inbox. It was from his ex-girlfriend from high school. I immediately saw red and started to type back a response, letting her know exactly what I thought about her attempts to flirt with her married ex-boyfriend. Chad talked me down. He said he was more than willing to write her a response and curse her out, but he just wanted to make me aware of the situation so I wouldn’t stumble onto it later and be upset or think he was trying to hide it. This is our policy now. Everything is 100% out in the open, no matter how innocent it seems. Something that seems harmless can easily get misinterpreted or out of control.

I got up and let him write her back. As he was writing her back, I thought about it and realized it was the best course of action. If I write back, hysterical, I sound like a crazy and possessive wife. It will encourage her to continue what she’s doing because it gets a rise out of me and it becomes a competition. If he writes back, calmly and firmly letting her know he’s not interested, she will be more likely to stop. It shouldn’t be like this, but it is. I remember when I told Jess to leave my husband alone because he was going to work things out with me, she said ‘I need to hear him say that.’. I’m not sure where this sense of entitlement came from, where they feel they deserve an explanation from the man, but I’ve heard other mistresses say the same. Most recently on an episode of Dr. Phil.

Here’s what he wrote:

Umm.. Thanks?

I’m not sure what you meant to say by contacting me. As I remember it, we didn’t part ways in any way, shape or form as friends. I’m not one to hold a grudge, but I also don’t associate much with women, much less one’s I’ve been in relationships with in the past. I’m very happily married and this comment, worded this way, coming from you in particular, is more than a little suspicious.

We don’t have anything to talk about. Please don’t message me again.

I think it gets the point across, letting her know that her advances are unwelcome. I think that too many married people(not in open relationships) get messages like the one Chad got today, and instead of immediately setting up boundaries. They may flirt back and encourage things, thinking that a little extra attention and flattery isn’t a big deal. This is what happened between Chad and Jess. It happens far too frequently and it can quickly spiral into an affair.

You don’t want to go down this road.

Social networking sites have made it easy to check up on old friends and classmates. It’s also made it really easy to find exes. Getting back in touch with them can sometimes build great friendships, but it can also cause people to wonder about what might have been. I’ve also received messages from guys I dated. One of them sent me messages that seemed harmless. He asked about how I was, my family, and what I was up to. It didn’t take any time though for him to start prodding about my sex life, asking if I still enjoyed certain things. Another guy messaged me and told me he had had a dream about me that was pretty sexually explicit.

Both of these guys were out of line, as was Chad’s ex-girlfriend. It is completely disrespectful to talk to someone, that you know is married, like that. Though Chad and I are completely open with each other about these things when they come up, they shouldn’t come up. It’s pretty common sense that if someone is married, they’re off limits. People know better, but they don’t care. They need to stop being selfish and consider how it would make them feel if the same happened to them. Would they be alright with their spouses’ ex sending them dirty messages? Probably not.

When did we stop caring about how what we do affects other people?