I’m Not Sorry

Posted by Sarahbear on November 6, 2010

Apparently Lampchop (the co-star of Adulter-Us, or rather Adulter-Me since Kendoll’s wife discovered the blog and he decided they needed to ‘take a break’) recently stumbled onto the post I wrote after discovering her blog. She wasn’t very pleased with the accurate picture of adultery that I painted and wrote a blog calling me a ‘hater’ for suggesting that married couples should focus on their relationships and communicate with each other, deciding whether to call it quits or sort things out.

She and one of her regular readers decided to comment on the post, and my response to Mollyxxx got so long I decided that it deserved it’s own post. It’s obvious that they both missed the entire point of the original post, so perhaps it bears repeating, again. Here’s what Mollyxxx had to say:

I have read and commented on the blog you are refering to and I dont think that anyone was offering excuses for their behaviour they were just stating it the way it was. I am fairly sure that both parties are only to aware of their behaviour and on many occassions on the blog there were people commenting on how KD needed to sort outt his life and make some manly decisions.

Adultery is never nice or pretty, but it is common place and I for one will never judge. Who are we to judge, have you walked in KD’s shoes, have you been his wife, what do yo really know of these things that allows you comdemn any of the parties involved.

I agree about communicating with your partner but sometimes all the talking in the world can’t fix whats wrong and I speak from experiance here, if the love is gone, then talking wont bring it back. I am lucky to be ina relationship now that allows me to communicate everything to him, all my hopes, wants, desires and needs and I know if in the future one of us felt the need to explore, we would both set out to do it together, but for many couples that is just not something that one or other would of them would be able to tolerate.

Mollyxxx

My entire point with this post is that adultery shouldn’t be common place. People need to open the mouths that their diety gave them and tell their partner what they need, before it gets to the point that the ‘love is gone’. That’s such a sorry cop out of an excuse to have an affair. You either want to be married or you don’t, so you work on it or you get out of your marriage instead of leading the person that you promised forever to along. Giving them the opportunity to move on and be happy is the least you owe them.

I have not walked in Kendoll’s shoes, but I have been unhappy with my marriage and had an affair behind my husband’s back. I have also been the victim of an affair, which you would have known if you bothered to read this post in it’s entirety and absorb the point instead of jumping in to defend the actions of two adults who have made the active decision, for over a year now, to continue doing something wrong.

I’ve also got 4 children and discussed the possibility of divorce with my husband when we were working through the problems in our marriage. So, yes I know what it’s like to deal with worrying about what’s best for the kids, which is not to watch their parents live their entire life in a loveless marriage. Children are incredibly perceptive and it sets a terrible example for them of what relationships are meant to be if you expose them to that. The cycle of adultery will continue if you don’t show your kids how to work through your problems, even if that means realizing it’s time to end the marriage and move on.

Part of what we do when we write blogs is present a part of ourselves for our readers. What you choose to share is what your readers will have to assess you with. If you write, consistently, about how much you hate your wife and how you’ve had more affairs on her than you have teeth in your mouth, people might think you’re kind of an asshole. I might have a different opinion of him, and Lambchop, had they not met on a site that caters to infidelity and if this had been the first affair. As it stands, all I have to judge him on is my perception of the things he said on his blog. If you’ll notice, I don’t excuse myself from judgment either and even went so far as to call myself an asshole for cheating on my husband. I’m not going to give anyone a free pass for knowingly repeating an offense that destructs the lives of so many (his wife, his children, and even his and Lampchop’s.) That’s part of the problem, no one wants to think about their flaws and mistakes. If we don’t explore them, we don’t learn from them and we continue to repeat them…more than 32 times in Kendoll’s case.

I will not condone adultery. Many couples in the midst of adultery have no idea what their partner would tolerate because instead of trying to talk to them they go and have an affair. People need to stop making excuses about why they have completely ignored the promises they made on their wedding day. I do not give a flying fuck what excuse you come up with, cheating on your partner is wrong. So, if you’ll kindly take your cheater apologist attitude back over to the Mistress of the Week Club blogs, it would be greatly appreciated.