Hormonal

Posted by Sarahbear on July 8, 2011

Skipping a period causes the next one to be twice as bad. Skipping more than one makes the one you finally have ridiculous. That’s how yesterday felt. My hormones were surging and everything kept going wrong. In retrospect, none of the things that happened were all that serious, but they were amplified by the circumstances.

The kids woke up earlier than usual and I didn’t have much time to get things done. They seemed to argue over everything. I spent an hour creating little fish for my son’s birthday cake out of various candies, refrigerated them and came back later in the day to find that the kids had eaten them. I overspent on birthday stuff, so I was having to rearrange the budget and shuffle bills.

I found out that I have to come out of pocket for school stuff if I want it before school actually starts because my college doesn’t release the funds until 3 days after school starts. A lot of schools probably do this, but I am the type of person who needs things done and to be prepared ahead of time. This should pay off with the cost of books. Getting them early allows me to rent them at cheaper prices since I can wait on shipping. If I wait until classes start and my aid is available, I’ll have to get them on the campus bookstore and pay 4x as much.  In the long run, it works out, but in the mean time I have to squeeze $300 for books into an already tight budget with 4 kids starting school August 11th. Everyone, including me, needs bookbags and supplies. I need to get a few repairs made on the car too. Again, things that aren’t life changing, but I would prefer to get them taken care of.

On top of trying to sort out college stuff, I had Facebook drama. My first ever. When my relatives, particularly the older ones, began using social networking and friending, I paid a bit more attention to the things I posted. I took down the link to this blog and created a more PG friendly one. I limited the language and content of some of my status updates. Yesterday I got a scam letter in the mail about a prayer rug and asking for a financial donation in exchange for prayers from the church and blessings from God. I posted the letter I sent back to the church in a Facebook note, which was a mock of the letter they sent me. I called the scam artist an asshole.

My great uncle posted a comment on the note saying that my ‘language is a slam on [my] Nana and family.’ For those of you who don’t know, I call my grandmother Nana and she raised me. This uncle is her brother. I responded by telling him that I don’t hold him accountable for the things his children or grandchildren do and apologized for my language offending him. Then I decided to create friend’s lists so that I could block groups of people from seeing some of my content. I never really though I would need to do that because I don’t really post controversial stuff and I do not try to start drama. Even when people post things and try to bait me into arguments, I usually walk away.

This really got to me though. It took every ounce of self restraint I had not to light into him and make family reunions awkward for the next 10 years. He’s a preacher and he and his wife love to gloat about this fact, while tsk tsk tsking and judging everyone. Nevermind that he’s divorced, his son is from his first marriage and smokes pot. His daughter from his current marriage spent her life flitting around between men, and like my mother who he has judged so harshly, has different fathers for all of her 4 children, has been married several times and caused an accident while driving under the influence that permanently impaired one of her daughter’s mental capabilities.

Now, I don’t think that any of these things (besides driving under the influence) are necessarily wrong and I’m sure she feels immense guilt that no one can understand about what she did to her daughter. It’s not my place to judge her for the life she chose. But the fact that my uncle thinks that he has room to speak about anyone’s behavior and suggest that it’s the people who raised them who caused it… It’s just one of those people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones things.

Then my sister pointed out that he has never, not once, commented to say anything nice about anything I put on my Facebook page. No congratulations about starting college or losing weight. No compliments about the pictures of food I post or how beautiful the kids are. The only two times he’s contacted me on the site were to send me a message that said ‘Psalm 14:1′ and the comment he left on that note. If it wouldn’t cause more drama than it was worth, I’d just unfriend him. Instead, I had to create a list of people to exclude from having access to certain things on my page. I also decided to just delete the comment he left and my response. Not because I feel like I was wrong, but because the way it was worded could be taken the wrong way. When I say that I don’t hold him accountable for the things his kids or grandkids do, I don’t want those relatives to think that I think they are doing anything wrong, ya know?

After all of that, I bled through my pants onto my new couch. Chad helped me clean it off with Resolve (thank goodness we had some in the house!) and we watched Ugly Americans and went to bed. I’m hoping today is less emotional. I’ll schedule an appointment with my GYN to get my pap smear and talk to her about all of the problems I’ve been dealing with with my period.