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Eroscillator 2 Plus

At first, I toyed around with the different heads. I was trying to figure out what I liked the most. Sometimes I got off. Sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes there was way too much stimulation. Sometimes there wasn’t enough. Then my sex drive took a nose dive, and I stuck it in my nightstand drawer for almost a year. I couldn’t be bothered to use any of my toys on a regular basis, let alone one that seemed like a crap shoot. Fast forward to the new year. I cleaned out my toy box and got rid of a bunch of things I didn’t like, but I held onto the Eroscillator because I wanted to give it another shot. The fact that I paid cash for it also contributed heavily to my desire to keep it around. One afternoon, when I had the house to myself and woke up very horny after a nap, I decided it was time for the Eroscillator to show me it was worth keeping.

That afternoon, I had one of the most intense orgasms I have ever had.

I’ve mentioned before, perhaps not here, that my weight affected my sexual function. A lot of fat people are capable of having very active, wonderful and pleasurable sex lives. I was capable of sex, but where my fat deposited itself… really got in the way of my pleasure zones. Who would imagine that you could have fatty labia? Now that I’ve lost weight, everything is way more sensitive and responsive to stimulation.

I’m supposed to be reviewing the Eroscillator though. It’s basically an electric toothbrush, at least as far as the way it functions. Most vibrators have a motor inside that creates this buzzing, intense vibration that sort of jackhammers your clitoris. The Eroscillator has attachable heads that move back and forth, very quickly, which mimics the way your fingers or a tongue might move (if they had a powerful motor behind them). It may not sound like a huge difference, but it is.

Believe me.

The one I ordered came with 3 different heads, with 6 separate sides. So each attachment had different textures on either side of it. The first is called “Ball and Cup” and it’s pretty self explanatory, if you look at the name. One side is a rounded ball with three raised nubs, the other is a shallow cup shaped hole.

Ball and Cup

Ball and Cup

The second is “Grapes and Cockscomb”, another self explanatory attachment. One side is shaped like a cluster of grapes and the other has prongs, like a comb, though there is no space between them.

Grapes and Cockscomb

Grapes and Cockscomb

The other attachment is the “Golden Spoon”. One side is shaped like a spoon, with a very small raised nub on the inside tip, the other is a flat disc with nine raised nubs in an oval shape.

Golden Spoon

Golden Spoon

Each attachment has a unique sensation when it’s being used and there are several other attachments you can purchase separately or with the upgraded version of the Eroscillator. I can hardly handle the intensity of the first setting on the original Eroscillator, so I’m just going to invest in the extras later on. I did have the fingertip attachment, which was really awesome. It needed more lubricant than the others, but the marshmallow texture felt really good. Somehow it got punctured and I’ll have to buy a new one though.

If you had asked me last year about the Eroscillator, I’d have told you not to waste your money. Now I find myself reaching for it all the time. I think I’ve used it three times this past week alone. Of course, the fact that it has a plug is pretty useful (the cord is like 12 feet long on this thing, so no worries about not being able to find an outlet close enough to where you need to use it.) I don’t have to worry about whether or not I’ve charged the battery or if the batteries are going to die in the middle of my orgasm. I just plug it up behind my nightstand and tuck it into the top drawer, so it’s easy to grab whenever I want to use it. I guess you can plainly see that if you asked me today if you should get an Eroscillator, I would drive you to the store myself and put it in your cart.

Unfortunately, I can’t be with everyone as their personal shopper, but I can direct you to EdenFantasys to pick one up for yourself.

My mother-in-law bought me some pretty storage boxes a couple years back for my birthday, and I had been stuffing things into those boxes, but it wasn’t really efficient. They just stayed in the closet and never got used. Sometimes, I even forgot to write reviews for them, especially with my sex drive being non-existent for so much time last year.

A couple of weeks ago, I dumped all the boxes out on the bed and turned the nightstand drawers upside down, and dug through every place I stash toys, creating a pile of sex toys on the bed. Then I piled them back up the biggest box and took them to the sink to wash them all. That would give me the opportunity to sort everything, one by one, into piles of things to keep, get rid of, put away and review.

I found some things that were ruined that could be tossed. Some I was okay with, like the cheap Cal Exotics crap that didn’t work right to begin with. Some I was sad about, like the Mistress dildo that the dog chewed. I found all the items I was behind on reviews for, placed them in a basket on top of the nightstand and vowed to catch up everything as soon as I finished sorting the rest. I decided to keep a few items I hadn’t reviewed yet that I wanted to review and I was honest with myself about what I actually enjoy.

When I first started reviewing, I was in awe of all the long-time-reviewers massive collections of toys. I kept holding onto things that I didn’t even like, just because I liked knowing that I had a growing collection myself. While I was washing all the toys off, I decided I had to choose what I wanted to keep and what to get rid of. I really, really like dildos of various sizes, textures and shapes. I really don’t care for internal vibrations. I went with that train of thought.

I got a shoebox down and started placing non-clitoral vibrators inside of it. I noticed most of them hadn’t ever been used. I laid the dildos around the counter to dry and moved back into the bedroom to sort through the other stuff. I don’t care for porn, so I took the few dvds I had (even the one I had paid $40 for at a local adult store) and put those into the box with the vibrators. I also am not a fan of being spanked with a paddle, so I took the huge paddle I haven’t used and put that into the box, and the silk bondage rope…

Before long, I’d cleaned up my collection pretty nicely. Things are organized in the nightstand, with the stuff we actually use being readily accessible, the stuff I need to review easily visible and the stuff I didn’t want is gone. Once that was done, I updated my toybox link and posted it on the site, finished up my late reviews, and patted myself on the back for a job well done. Now, if you’re wondering about what I recommend, just click the link to the toybox page.

I managed to squeeze my grocery shopping trip into 30 minutes of shopping and make it home and unload the groceries about 15 minutes later. Then the kids got home before I had the chance to put it all away, and plundered through everything between asking if they could have various things for their snack and shoving folders in my face for me to sign. I got them settled and started on their homework, then started putting things away.

While tackling the refrigerator, I remarked that Chad drove me nuts when he didn’t put condiments back on the door in the fridge, and put them on the shelves instead. I said that I had specifically condensed bottles of things that were open, thrown things we weren’t using out and organized it so everything would fit nicely, leaving plenty of room for fresh fruits and vegetables and for me to put leftovers after dinner.

Ethan said “Why don’t you guys just get a divorce?”

I straightened myself up from where I had been kneeling in the refrigerator and asked him to repeat himself. He did. I asked why in the world he thought we should get divorced. He said “Because you said you’re mad at him about the fridge.”

I calmly explained that I didn’t think people should get divorced because they got mad at each other every once in a while and that his father and I were rarely mad at each other. Even if I was griping about the ketchup not and Catalina dressing not being on the door, I wasn’t actually what I would call angry about it.  He asked what a good reason to get divorced was. So I told him that it should only be when you don’t love each other anymore, and that Chad and I love each other very much.

I told Chad about it later that night and he rolled his eyes. I hope that we can instill in our kids that marriage is very serious and relationships don’t have to end when one or both people get mad at each other. I hope that they can see how we handle our differences calmly.

I’m really glad that things have worked out the way that they have. Chad and I took a series of really terrible events and wove them into something truly amazing. There are still times when I’m randomly hit with a memory about what happened. Usually while I’m driving and a song comes on that was popular during that period of time. If ever there was a time to be thankful that the music this generation of people like changes the way they change their underwear, it’s with something like this. The other time is usually when I walk into a room and a scent takes me back.

It’s really not too bad. It doesn’t take long for me to shift my thinking to something else and focus on how our marriage has been repaired and how strong it has become.

In 3 short weeks, Chad and I will cross the bridge into our 11th year of marriage. I’m just sort of in awe at how things have panned out for us.

My personal recommendations include anything from the Coquette line of lingerie, most of the JimmyJane sensual products, LELO pleasure objects, Liberator gear, Pjur, Sliquid or Pink lubricants, Njoy, or Vixen Creations. Of course, there are plenty of other options, but those happen to be many of my favorites. Once you’ve selected a few things to try, you’ll thank me. You don’t have to take my word for it though. There are plenty of products with multiple, in-depth reviews to help you choose what’s right for you.

Description of textures

The Tenga Air Lite is a male masturbator with loads of texture. You can choose between black or white, with black being a bit more firm (according to the site). The inside of the shaft has all sorts of nubs, swirls, and ridges that are designed to give maximum stimulation to the penis. Similar products have the same texture throughout their toys, but Tenga took care to make sure that the user would be pleasantly surprised with every thrust. Not only does the texture change as you get deeper into the toy, but each side has a different design, including special textures at the insertion point and where the head of the penis will spend most of it’s time.

Close up of texture

On the outside of the case, there are two buttons that increase the suction. Users have recommended that you hold them down and use plenty of lube during insertion. After that, you can squeeze them to create more suction and pressure. Since the case is smaller, it’s easier to grip and your arms won’t tire out as quickly from the weight. It’s also easier to twist and squeeze the buttons. As with the Fliphole, the texture can be a bit much once you orgasm and your penis gets super sensitive.

Cleaning is super easy. Just remove the cap, open it up and wash it with antibacterial soap then set it on the counter to dry out. Once it’s dry, you can put the cap back on it and store it in the nightstand, or wherever you keep your favorite toys. It comes with a water based lubricant, and I’d recommend using water based lubes with it. I’m unsure if silicones or oils might mess up the material.

Tenga sort of makes me wish I had a penis, but then I remember all the fun toys I have. Men don’t have a lot of options, ya know? Tenga makes some pretty awesome products and they come highly recommended by the penis owner in my house. He wrote the other review if you’re interested in a man’s perspective on it all. If you’re looking for a masturbation sleeve, get yourself a Tenga from Babeland.

*Pictures from tenga-europe.com

Nexus Neo

Months ago, before life got hectic around here, the folks from Nexus sent me some great prostate massagers to try out. One of them was the Nexus Neo. Though Chad tried it and loved it shortly after it arrived, I have been distracted about getting it reviewed. Shame on me too, because it’s really a great toy.

For starters, it’s orange. I think I own one other orange toy and there might be handful of orange sex toys on the market. Orange is a fun color and more toys should have an orange option.

Okay, enough gushing about how awesome it is that a toy comes in a color besides black or purple. The Neo comes in black and purple, but you can also choose red, white or orange as well.

The Nexus Neo is a firm, plastic prostate massager.  With hard toys (like glass, metal and this type of plastic), you should choose a smaller girth, since it won’t give the way a silicone toy will. This is about the width of two fingers, which is something that should be comfortable for many people. Even those fairly new to anal play. Just be sure to use plenty of lubricant and take your time.

The design should make it easy to insert. The tip is somewhat bulbous and the shaft is similar to most plugs on the market. The base has three ridges that will create some pretty intense sensations for all the sensitive nerves around the anus while you rock it back and forth to massage the prostate. Beneath that is a long handle for ease of use and safety. One side of the handle there is a stainless steel ball that will roll around and massage your perenium, which stimulates the prostate from the outside of the body. That’s pretty awesome design, when you consider that you’re stimulating the prostate from two different angles as well as the anus. Imagine the intensity of your orgasm.

The handle can be easily reached by you, or used by a partner (Which is pretty amazing for blow jobs. Just sayin’.) If you’re interested in prostate massage, Nexus products are worth the investment.

After finals, I noticed that my pants were really snug. I’d already sold the majority of my larger pants on ebay or tossed them, so I decided it was time to get serious again. I set a goal to be fitting comfortably back into my pants by the time the next semester began. Then I set a goal to lose 50 more lbs this year (on top of the 20+ I’d lost already). On the 1st I weighed in at 248 lbs (up from around 235lbs this past summer). Today, a mere 6 days later, I weighed in at 242.4 lbs. Not too shabby of a loss. I’ve just been counting calories and eating better foods. The unexpected and pleasant side effect of this all is that my sex drive has come back with a vengeance. I guess all that crappy food sort of made me feel like crap.

The only downside of all of this is that I believe I injured myself during the amazing sex Chad and I had last night. Eek. The doctor said my SI joint is inflamed and I needed to take a break from doing anything to strain it for the next week. I’m on an anti-inflammatory, pain killer and muscle relaxer as needed (and I’m aiming to take as little of the latter two as possible) as well as laid up on a heating pad with a bottle of Tylenol precision pain relieving lotion on the table beside me. So long as I’m lying down and not bending or sitting, the pain isn’t noticeable. Perhaps some of the liberator furniture will come in handy to keep me from straining anything during sex this week.

College starts back on Tuesday, but I’ve got free time now that I’m keeping myself organized. With Valentine’s Day coming up, I know I need to give you all some ideas for sexy gifts. I’ve got some lingerie to review and some products to try out.

I asked the folks at OurNaughtySecrets.com if they’d send me the 5-pack sampler of ID Juicy Lubes. I figured they would make a great stocking stuffer for my husband. I like doing cute stuff like that. The bottles are small enough to tuck into a purse, pocket or luggage for a weekend trip.

ID Juice Lubes

Before neatly tucking them underneath his Reese’s Pieces and Jolly Ranchers, I gave each of the half ounce bottles a taste. The flavors are Luscious Watermelon, Bubblegum Blast, Wild Cherry, Strawberry Kiwi, and Passion Fruit. Each of them lived up to their names. My favorite was the Strawberry Kiwi and the Watermelon. You’ll probably enjoy similar flavors in lubes that you enjoy in candies. These aren’t nearly as sweet and powerful as candy though. It gives you more of a subtle flavoring.

They can leave a bit of a sticky residue, as many water based lubricants do, but that shouldn’t be a problem. Saliva reactivates it and makes it slippery again, and since it’s for oral sex… I will say that moving forward with penetration after foreplay may require a different lubricant. ID is a good brand though and you shouldn’t have much of a problem. If you have sensitivities to glycerin, you may want to avoid this though. Especially internally.

So far, I like them. I’ll have to wait and see how much more I like them after Chad gets to check his stocking. If you’re looking for any last minute stocking stuffers yourself, check out the lube selection at OurNaughtySecrets.com!

XXXmas Cane

The cane is about 11″ long with a 1″ diameter. That may seem slender, but glass is less forgiving than silicone or other squishy materials, so it’s a good idea to go with a smaller girth. It’s shaped and designed to look like a classic candy cane, with clear glass, red swirls and a distinct hook on the end. The hook could be used for some pretty intense g-spot stimulation, depending on where your g-spot is located. It doubles as a convenient handle as well.

It comes with a black velvet bag that’s tucked behind the styrofoam case. Make sure to check for it!

Glass dildos have some fairly unique properties, similar to metal ones, in that it can be heated or cooled. Just slip it into a bowl of ice water or hot water before use and the temperature should make for some interesting sensations. You can also use any type of lube with it.

One of my favorite features of this particular toy is that it’s holiday themed. How much fun would it be to stick this into your partner’s stocking?! It’s an awfully convenient prop to use with Santa lingerie too.

Why not head on over to OurNaughtySecrets.com and get yourself a last minute Christmas gift?