Perhaps one of my New Year’s Resolutions should be to learn some patience. I am absolutely horrible about waiting on surprises. If I buy someone a gift I am usually so freaking excited about it that I have to let them have it right then. There is no waiting until birthdays or Christmas. I let Chad open his stuff the day after it came in the mail, a good week before Christmas!
So, if you haven’t already guessed I gave him his invitation when he got home from work last night and surprised him. It wasn’t as elaborate as I had planned. You know, leaving the invitation somewhere for him to stumble onto and what not. I think it was important to do that particular surprise while the time was right. I have had some sort of sinus issues since the cold weather hit. All the back and forth temperatures here in Georgia keep the AC and heater in our house switching constantly. The heat dries out my sinuses and causes some issues. This means that during the winter blow jobs are sparse in our house. It’s very not sexy when I’m having to stop to wipe my nose or sniffle or catch my breath. Yesterday was a rare day where I was able to breath through my nose so I wanted to strike while the iron was hot.
I sent Chad to shower and clean up while I prepared things. I went into the kitchen and fixed a glass of ice water and a mixture of 50% honey and 50% water, microwaved it to a warm temperature and set it aside. I went into the bedroom and got out our new blindfold and a few other goodies. Chad said his feet were cold…totally trying to foil my plans so I set the space heater next to the rocking chair and told him to have a seat. I was going to put on some soft music but the breaker shut off because the kids had plugged the other heater in on the same circuit in the living room. Chad went to reset the breaker and I rolled my eyes. No music.
I sat him back down in the chair, put the blindfold on him and went to the kitchen to retrieve the cutting board (to keep the cups sitting upright) and the two glasses. I set them on the floor beside him and took a sip of the warm honey water. Christ that stuff was sweet. Next time I’m skipping the velvet tongue mixture and getting something I actually like drinking warm like hot chocolate. I swished it around in my mouth and swallowed the excess. I took his penis in my hand and started to work my magic, head bobbing, tongue swirling, licking and flicking and sucking. As gross as that stuff tasted it did the trick. The moans, gasps and groans were awesome.
I paused to take a sip of the ice water. I wanted to drink the whole damn glass because I wanted to get rid of the honey water flavor, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment for him so I swished it around and swallowed. I took him in my mouth again. He let me know how enjoyable it was for him again, legs trembling, hands stroking my hair, dick throbbing.
Back and forth, hot and cold, getting him more and more turned on until he finally let me know he was on the brink of his orgasm. I stopped switching and proceeded to do my very special, highly scientific magic trick so that he was sure to finish. I came up with this because I’m lazy and all that head bobbing is tiring and unnecessary. You take your dominant hand and stroke the base of the penis, making sure you use the extra lube/spit to help ease the strokes. Then you take the penis into your mouth as far as comfortably possible. It’s not necessary to deep throat for this, just get at least half in your mouth. Massage the bottom of his penis with your entire tongue, swirling in circles and back and forth, applying pressure and sucking a bit so it feels nice and tight. Continue stroking with your hand in sync with your tongue.
This may not work with all men. I’ve only tried it on Chad, but you can try it at home and see how it works. Let me know!
So I was doing my technique and he was getting closer to his orgasm and a little bit of precum got in my mouth. You know how after you’ve been eating something really sweet a lemon will be even more sour? Well, it works with salty stuff too. I almost stopped but he begged me to keep going so I did. It was all hot and sexy until he blew his load in my mouth and I gagged like an amateur. I have been giving this man blow jobs and swallowing for eight years now and I fucking gagged! It was one of those really unattractive, I’m going to puke in your crotch kind of gags too. I apologized between gags and kept spitting and wiping my tongue onto a shirt that was laying next to me. He assured me it was fine and he loved it but I was so embarrassed about the gagging.
Fortunately my husband does not get embarrassed or side tracked as easily as I do and he urged me onto the bed where we did another technique that I’m probably the only person this is necessary for. When I masturbate in an effort to get a clitoral orgasm I have to put my vibrator on the edge of a pillow and hump it. Yes. It’s embarrassing, but I have yet to figure out how to apply the right pressure with my hand. I’ve only been able to do it a few times that way, so being lazy I just usually hump a pillow. Unless Chad is home, then I put my vibrator on his crotch and straddle him. It’s much more fun this way. We get to kiss and he gets to touch me so it’s kind of like I’m not masturbating at all. Plus, doing this usually turns him on A LOT so we wind up having more sex like we did last night.
I am very happy that we’ve learned to laugh off the less than graceful attempts at sex. As clumsy as I am we wouldn’t be having a lot of sex if we didn’t.
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